We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen pals that
wrote to each other for years without meeting because they lived
hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Some friend of a friend set
them up as pen pals or she decided to write to some unknown soldier away
at war. They exchanged a few pictures and spent countless hours
drafting letters back and forth, baring their hearts and souls to each
other. Without ever dating, they fell in love. When one could
eventually travel across the distance to finally meet the other, they
both knew immediately that this was indeed the one they'd spend the rest
of their life with. The physical attraction was every bit as strong as
the emotional attraction they had felt for each other. It's a classic
story that's existed as long as there's been a postal system for
delivering the letters between would be lovers.
Today we
have an Internet version of the same thing. People go to these dating
sites to find love. It seemed a bit weird at first like most things
that are new and different, but eventually we became used to the idea.
Is it really any different than meeting in any other manner? You still
have to weed through the riffraff. You still have people presenting
themselves as something other than what they really are. You still have
crooks and cheats, predators. And you still have honest real folks
looking for true love. You still have single parents worried that
people won't accept their kids as part of a package deal. You still
have married folks looking for a way to cheat on their partners. The
only real difference is how fast the system works. You can weed through
a heck of a lot of less than desirable matches really fast and you
don't even have to waste time or money on dinner and movies, or on
babysitters and a new dress.
It's my hope that you would
take your time with the ones who do seem promising. When you find a
profile that seems interesting, don't rush through the process. Sure, a
lot of people say that the eyes are the windows to the soul and that
you need to meet in person to get a real feel for each other. And there
is a lot of truth to that. Ultimately you do have to meet in person to
determine if there's any type of chemistry between you or not. It's
not something that can be logically determined You feel it or you don't
and you won't know until you meet them face to face. But what about
those old pen pal stories? They fell in love without it being about
sexual attraction. When we meet face to face with someone that we are
physically attracted to, it's human nature to want to speed up the
process so that we can get to the really good stuff! I'm thinking that
if we took more time in the passing notes back and forth portion before
actually meeting face to face, then we'd be more inclined to fall for
the person inside rather than for the physical beauty that can be so
blinding to the truth about people. We all know someone who's been
completely consumed by a hot passionate attraction for someone who was
so incredibly wrong for them. It takes forever for them to open their
eyes and see the sexy person for what they really are. Please don't
think that I'm saying that all good looking people are bad relationships
waiting to happen. I just don't want you to confuse sexual attraction
with real intimacy.
If you're just looking to get laid,
then by all means disregard this article! It's not written for you. If
you're looking to find that once in a lifetime incredible love, then
why not take the extra time to do it right? Why not agree to write
emails back and forth for a while before meeting in person? Chances are
you've already seen their picture on the matchmaker's web site. Make
up fun questionnaires for each other to fill out. Ask them all sorts of
interesting questions about themselves like 'if you could invite four
people to dinner regardless of what time in history they lived or died,
who would it be and why?' Ask them what their number one biggest regret
is in life. Ask them what their number one most embarrassing moment in
life is. Ask them what their number one best shining moment was. Ask
them if they felt loved as a child. Ask them if they have felt loved as
an adult. What is their next wild adventure in life going to be? Have
fun really getting to know each other before you meet in person. Have a
real bond based on more than the fact that you both like moonlit walks
on the beach and want to someday have children. When you do finally
meet, you won't suffer those uncomfortable silences either, you'll have
shared laughs and have plenty to talk about. You'll already be real
friends.
So many people put in their profiles that they
only want to meet people that are close to home, 50 miles, 100 miles,
etc. Why not reach out across the globe. Why not find new pen pals to
write to? Even if you never fall in love, you've gained a new friend
and the experience of feeling connected to others. Who knows maybe your
soulmate is just across the ocean. Perhaps they're waiting for a note
from you in their inbox. Perhaps you'll become one of those wonderful
love stories worth telling your grandchildren about. "Yep, your
grandmother and I wrote back and forth for a year before I finally saved
up enough money to fly over and meet her. And let me tell you, the
first time I laid eyes on her I knew that she was the only one for me.
She was well worth the wait!"
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
